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Irving and Albert's Party Anthem/Give Buford Everything
This is an episode of Carl's Pop Song Reviews. Carl reviews the song "Party Rock Anthem". He says this isn't the worst song ever, but he is sick of songs that are about the club. He also reviews "Give My Everything", and he thinks all club songs REALLY need to go away. Memorable Quotes in Irving and Albert's Party Anthem Carl Robot: Grr, this...song...makes...me...so...m--mad. Carl: (sighs and tries to turn off the robot) Carl Robot: This...song...m-makes me want to hurt myself and--- Carl: (turns off the robot) I always have to do everything...(sighs) So much for that bright idea. Carl: You know what I like to do after a long week of bashing people more successful than me? I hit the club! ("Summer Belongs to You" starts playing) Carl: I go get my drink on, poppin' bottles in the VIP, take some shots, hit on...fly...honeys.....Yeah, you should have seen me the last time I went to the club! The club couldn't even handle me! (shows a clip of Baljeet singing "Club Can't Handle Me")....The club literally could not handle me because I didn't meet the dress code, so I was not allowed in.......this is a true story. Jenny: Popping bottles in the ice, like a blizzard.... Carl: Okay, maybe clubbing isn't my thing, and I'm not against all dance music or partying, but (bleep) pop music nowadays. The club dance songs that we've gotten in the past few years have been downright aggressive. I feel like I have to fight for my right NOT to party. But thankfully, I think that we might finally be moving on, especially since earlier in the year, people like Ferb and Vanessa have made wonderful songs. I see movement, I see progress, and it's not about the fact that they are critically acclaimed artists, it's not even a fact that I LIKE those artists. It's just something else. ANYTHING ELSE! Carl: But even if I'm right, this trend is not dead yet. Isabella: Tonight we're gonna get on the floor, la, la, la, la, la... Carl: We're still getting clubbed over the head by hit songs about the club. Coltrane: From the window, to the wall.... Carl: And just like any dying trend, the last people jumping on the bandwagon are usually the lamest. Carl: So....let's talk about ROTFL. Irving and Albert: (rapping) When I step on the scene, y'all know me.... Carl: Yes, their group name is ROTFL, one of those names that have to rank up there with FBNLR or IKWWGDT. Buford: (screaming/rapping) ROTFL! YOU KNOW US! Carl: Now I've been aware for a while that these guys existed. They've been floating underneath the top 40 for a while, but thankfully, they never had that big crossover hit because all their songs are skin-crawling repulsive garbage. Irving and Albert: The ladies love us, when we pour shots, they need an excuse to (words are censored out) Carl: The fact that they even got signed at all is pretty (bleep) hard to explain until I found out this little fact. They are brothers, and both descendants of Bobbi Fabulous, one of the members of Love Handel (a picture of Love Handel pop up) Yes, that Love Handel. Carl: ROTFL are not good. Really, like, not good. (screen shows Irving and Albert surrounded by a group of girls and dancing badly) I don't know if these guys are trying to do this (bleep) ironically or if this is sincere and they're just bad at it. But either way, it's painful. Irving and Albert: Party rock is in the house tonight, everybody just have a good time.... Carl: I'm trying to be fair here. This isn't exactly the worst song I've ever heard. It's catchy, it sticks in the brain, I wouldn't call it offensive. But I'll tell you, I was sick of "Party Rock Anthem" in record time. I know that it's just shallow party music but it should at least be GOOD shallow party music. Irving: Party rock! Albert: In the club, party rock.... Irving and Albert: Everybody just have a good time... Carl: This song is commanding me to have a good time, but all it makes me want to do is stay home and sleep all day. I don't why there are so many (bleep) songs about the club, but when I go to the club, they're playing (bleep) music like this. Carl: Yes, in case you missed it, they do shout "party rock" in their song "Party Rock Anthem". Their first single from their album "Sorry For Party Rocking". Not to be confused with their song of the same name. Or for that matter, their first album "Party Rock". They have a bit of a one-track mind is what I'm saying. Carl: I guess this song became popular because of the music video. It starts out with Irving and Albert just waking up from a coma because of....party rocking (facepalm). They go outside and see that the world is completely empty. They see one person dancing, but they don't get what's going on. (screen shows Jeremy dancing) Irving: (to Jeremy) Hey, what are you doing? Django: (tackles Irving and Albert and pulls them behind a car) What the (bleep) is wrong with you? Are you insane!? Carl: Fortunately, some guy tells them the deal. Django: Ever since that song came out, everyday, everyone's been shuffling. (screen shows the P&F cast wearing bright, tacky hipster clothes and dancing) Carl: Basically, their new song has caused everyone in the world to turn into mindless dancing zombies in bad outfits. Carl: They don't really resolve the problem with the mindless zombies. The video kinda just ends. They dance around with some guy and some chick that might be Candace Flynn, I'm not sure. I don't know if they got taken over by the zombies, or if they became the overlords of the zombies and forced them to wear ugly-(bleep) clothing. By the way, you can buy all of these outfits at......(sighs).....partyrockclothing.com. If these guys had much more of a limited vocabulary, they'd be Meap. Meap: Meap. Albert: Everyday I'm shufflin'. Carl: This is exactly the problem. These guys aren't just bad rappers, they're bad rappers whose inspiration was other bad rappers. Albert: Everyday I'm shuf-ful-ful-lin'. Carl: That's lifted from "Hustlin'" by Baljeet Rai. Baljeet: Everyday I'm hustlin', hustlin, hustlin... Carl: Baljeet is a weird nerdy B-lister who likes to pretend that he can get money and pick up chicks, but all he's really good at is picking up bad lyrics. Baljeet: (rapping) I'm into distribution, I'm like Atlantis, I got them pretty things flyin' 'cross the Atlantic.... Carl: Everyday I'm sufferin'....(facepalm) Albert: (rapping) I run into these (bleep)s like Drano... Carl:........ Albert: I run into these (bleep)s like Drano... Carl: EW! And I thought Stacy's Jack Daniels toothpaste was disgusting. Do these idiots realize what they just said? Need I remind you, this is what happens when someone runs into (bleep)s like Drano. Isabella: ....corn nuts... (crashes into a mirror. The mirror breaks and Isabella falls to the floor) Carl: Does this song tell me to "put my hands up" like every other club song does? Candace: Get up, get down, put your hands up to the sun... Carl: Why am I even surprised? Why bother writing lyrics. Why not play the "put your hands up" part on loop? Candace: Get up, get down, put your hands up to the sun, put your hands up to the sun, put your hands up to the sun, get up, get up, get up, get up... Carl: I DIDN'T MEAN THAT! Carl: These guys have so few lyrical skills that I'm not surprised that the chorus has no lyrics. (the part where the music plays starts playing) Carl: The glitchy keyboard line here is the real chorus of the song. Yes, these guys are so bad at words that their only hit has a chorus that could be sung by Meap. Meap: Meapmeapmeapmeap meap meap meapmeapmeap meap meap meap meap.... Carl: I find this to be a sad backwash of a song. Irving: (rapping) Stop! Hatin' is bad. Carl: No! I have a point to make here and it's that this song is--- Irving: Stop! Hatin' is bad. Carl: Listen to me! I'm just trying to tell you that--- Irving: Stop! Hatin' is bad. Carl:......Actually, you know what? You're right. Maybe I should stop hating. This song isn't hurting anyone. I guess I could give it a try, but I better not turn into an idiot! Carl: (in a weak voice) This song is.....dancey.....it's....original......there are more things to worry about than a silly dance song....I guess I could get behind....(starts fading away) Aaaaaaaah! What's happening!? I HATE THIS SONG! I HATE THIS SONG! I hate Irving and Albert! I want to kill them and their family! Make it stop! (turns back to normal). Never trying that experiment again. Carl: ROTFL are so boring. All the bad clothing in the world isn't going to make these guys interesting. These guys make Ferb from PFSC have a personality, and they don't even let that guy rap anymore! Carl: I'm not sure if I'm angry at this song or at this trend in general. Maybe in ten years when this trend is dead, I'll come back to this song and it'll sound amazing. But not right now. This trend just needs to end. There is no way that I'm ever listening to this music again. (the beginning notes of "Party Rock Anthem" start playing) Carl:....Oh god......what's this feeling inside me?......Could it be that the catchy beat is making me dance? Taking over my mind? Forcing me to shuffle everyday for the rest of my life!? (burps) No, that was indigestion. Oh well. (episode ends) Memorable Quotes in "Give Buford Everything" Carl: ....MORE CLUB (bleep)!? SERIOUSLY!? Ferb: I came to dance, dance, dance, dance.... Carl: Okay, expanding on my thesis from my last episode, you know this? Candace: DJ what-you-what-you waiting for? Carl: This? Buford: Let me see your hands up! Carl: This? Stacy: We're tearing it apart, part, part, p-p-part... Carl: This kind of music is already dying. I think this is because the economy sucks now and we don't need a bunch of successful popstars bragging about how they're having a good time. It's probably just overexposure. Carl: I think everyone's sick of these songs, especially last year, when they dominated. Now today, one of the most stereotype hipster sounding songs I've ever heard is bolting into the pop charts. (shows Ferb singing "Pumped Up Kicks") And Lil Jeet released a guitar ballad (shows Baljeet singing "How to Love"). The times, they are a-changing. Carl: One person who refuses to let the party die is a very fat and pale white guy who goes by the name Buford, a guy who entered the top 20 even though he has a birth defect that makes him sing only using one side of the mouth. Carl: Over the past few years, I've heard Buford ruin Coltrane's only good song, somehow manage to make Phineas look uncool, and remember that blessedly brief Spanish pop craze from the 90's? Well, Buford seems to be using his star power to make the comebacks of everyone involved in that genre. Django Brown, Isabella Garcia-Shapiro, Francis freaking Monogram, for crying out loud! Carl: Buford is a close friend of Baljeet's, but has much more of a personality and much less lyrical skills. I probably shouldn't say this when Phinny Boy and Coltrane are still around, but Buford may be the worst lyricist in mainstream radio music today. Carl: Buford has one of two songs. The "Let's Have Fun at the Party" song and the "Let's Pick Up Chicks at the Party" song. His new song, "Give Me Everything" is one of the latter, featuring R&B star Coltrane. I actually like Coltrane, even though he can be kind of boring, but if he's on this song, this might actually be okay. So Buford, please try not to ruin this song. Buford: (rapping) Me not working hard? Yeah, right, picture that with a Kodak. Or better yet, go to Times Square, take a picture of me with a Kodak. Carl:...... (scene cuts to him printing papers out of a printer, then he walks back to his piano) BUFORD! A LIST OF WORDS THAT RHYME WITH KODAK! Sadsack, pitch-black, racetrack, wolfpack, hijack, HOW HARD IS IT TO RHYME!? Even without the double line, what was the point of these lines? Did Kodak pay him for product placement? Was something supposed to be funny? Was there supposed to be a punch line? Is he trying to brag about being in Times Square? (screen shows a random guy in Times Square) So what? This guy's in Times Square, too, and that's doesn't mean anything! Carl: Hey Coltrane, you have a way with words. Take the mic away from this idiot and make the song decent! Coltrane: (says something incomprehensable) Annotation: Tonight, I'm a la la you tonight. Carl: What? Coltrane: (says something incomprehensable) Annotation: I'm a gnaw log you tonight. Carl: What? Coltrane: (says something incomprehensable) Annotation: Animal of you tonight. Carl: What? Why are the horrible lines enunciated, and yet, I can't make out the first line of the chorus!? Sorry whatever, keep going. Coltrane: Give me everything tonight.... Carl: Geez, could you try not to sound depressed? (mocks Coltrane) Give me (sniff) everything tonight (sniff). Coltrane: (singing) For all we know, we might not get tomorrow, let's do it tonight.... Carl: We might not get tomorrow? Uh.....why not? Have the aliens invaded? What do you know that we don't know, Coltrane? Oh, worse yet, are the ROTFL hipster dance zombies taking over the universe!? WE'RE DOOMED! WE'RE DOOMED!......Oh wait, I heard ROTFL's follow up single. Albert and Irving: (while Isabella sings in an extremely annoying high pitched voice in the background) Champagne showers, champagne showers... Carl: ......Yeah, I don't think the world is going to end because of Irving and Albert fans. Carl: Buford, try to do something cool for once. Buford: (rapping) Baby, baby, and it ain't no secret. My family's Dutch, but I'm an American Idol, getting money like Seacrest. Carl: (facepalm) First, Ryan Seacrest is not an American Idol. He's the HOST of American Idol. I refuse to live in a world were Ryan Seacrest is a considered American Idol. Seriously, who the (bleep) idolizes Ryan Seacrest? Coltrane: Grab somebody sexy tell 'em, "hey", give me everything tonight.... Carl:....Okay. (screen cuts to him grabbing Vanessa) HEY! GIVE ME EVERYTHING TONIGHT! Vanessa: (screams and hits Carl with a stuffed animal) Buford: (rapping) Buford, Coltrane, Isabella... Carl: Oh yeah, I forgot about one person, the newcomer, Isabella? I have no idea who this is, but she gets to be in an song with two established artists? This girl might be the next big thing. Come on Isabella! Show us what you got! Isabella: (in a soft voice) Don't care what they say, all the games they play.... Carl: Um...can you speak up? The music's kind of drowning you out.... Isabella: (softly) I want you tonight, I want you to stay, I want you tonight... Coltrane: Grab somebody sexy and tell 'em hey..... Carl: (sarcastically claps) Good job, thanks for participating in the song! Now let's put the real musicians back in the spotlight. Geez, nice star power there. Carl: (referring to Coltrane) I know he's smiling, but he doesn't seem like he's having a good time. This song needs a Phineas, or a Heinz Doofenshmirtz. The more I listen to this song, the more I feel like Buford's not the problem. Buford's a horrible lyricist, but at least he's up for a good time. But Coltrane, he's not bad, he's a decent singer and songwriter, but he's not really the kind of guy you go to to get the party started, you know? Coltrane: (singing) And I don't want to go to bed mad at you... (switches songs) I can't stand how much I need you...(switches songs) She got her own thing, that's why I love her...(switches songs) And I'm so sick of love songs... Carl: WOOOOOOOOOO! (blows a kazoo) PARTY! Carl: I'm glad that there's not a lot of club songs these days anymore. I'm looking at the top ten list right now, and I think I see an actual rock song on there! WOO! GO ROCK! Jeremy and the Incidentals: Tonight, tonight, there's a party on the rooftop top of the world, tonight, tonight.... Carl: Oh good grief. (walks away) (episode ends) Trivia *The creator actually likes both songs. *The Baljeet rapping part in the first part references fans joking about Baljeet being a ladies' man *Irving and Albert aren't related to Bobbi Fabulous; the creator made that up *The song that Isabella sang was "On the Floor" by Jennifer Lopez (the creator likes that song) *The song that Coltrane sang was "Don't Wanna Go Home" by Jason Derulo (this song sucks) *The song that Candace sang was "Till The World Ends" by Britney Spears *The song Buford sang was "Yeah 3X" by Chris Brown. *The song Stacy sang was "We R Who We R" by Ke$ha. *ROTFL means "rolling on the floor laughing". FBNRL means "funny but not really laughing". It was on a Doof Daily video. IKWWGDT means "I know what we're gonna do today". Category:Stories by Tpffan5196 Category:Fanon Works Category:Reviews Category:Irving Category:Albert Category:Buford Von Stomm Category:Coltrane Category:Carl Category:Isabella Garcia-Shapiro